I’m noted for being terrified of clowns. I mean, sometimes hysterically terrified if I’m approached by one. They genuinely scare the living shit out of me. Coulrophobia is a weird thing. A lot people find clowns a bit creepy. I find them utterly, utterly terrifying. I’ve noticed something peculiar of late, mind you. My phobia is getting worse and expanding to anyone who hides their face and wears a costume in public. This includes things like charity collectors, people on fun runs, cosplay, etc….
Why? I’m baffled!
I was once accosted by a mime on Briggate in Leeds. Leeds is plagued with buskers. I was in a pretty foul mood anyway and this bloody mime starts pretending to sweep stuff across my path. Generally just getting in the way. I warned him not to fuck with me as I wasn’t in the mood and he put his hands up smiled in apology and walked away…except he came back in what I presume he thought was an endearing way and annoyed the crap out of me again. He didn’t take the hint and I shouted at him. He put his hands up in apology yadda yadda yadda….and back for a third round of annoying me.
At this point I clearly and calmly state “Once more, and I punch your fucking lights out”.
By this time, a number of the other buskers had become interested and wandered over. The mime hung back and, in an almost suicidal display of completely misreading the situation, came back for a fourth and final round of comedy sweeping.
I punched his fucking lights out.
I’m not a violent man. I’m really not. In my entire life, I’ve probably hit fewer people than I have fingers on either of my hands. But he deserved it. A clown; an annoying twat; a bad mood; an irrational fear. This is not a good mix.
The clown hit the floor and then started shouting at me. As it turned out, he was an unlicensed busker and the other buskers were incredibly pissed off with him for taking away their trade. When he hit the floor, I got a round of applause.
Call me Mime Slayer…
No picture this time…can’t face clowns/mimes.